Reasons Why You Might Be Tempted To Cheat On Your Partner
Infidelity and cheating in romantic relationships are one of the leading causes of divorce and a catalyst for many other complex relationships and mental health issues. To truly understand the inner world of those giving in to the temptation of cheating, we have to explore what might be driving their inner world to take action. Unfortunately, coming by data related to infidelity is more scarce since not all individuals who seek relationships outside their primary relationship are willing to honestly disclose detailed information.
What if we can gather common motives or reasons why individuals might be tempted to cheat on their partners? Could recognizing the similarities and shared experiences help us drive the impulse to heal ourselves and prevent unnecessary pain within relationships? Let’s look at a few reasons why you might be tempted to play with fire.
Falling Out of Love
Even though it might sound cliche, falling out of love is still one of the main reasons why people resort to cheating on their partners. It could be that they don’t want to address the reality of their deteriorating relationships and thus use infidelity as an excuse to exit the commitment. Sometimes partners might even hope to be ‘found out’ so that they can avoid having the difficult conversation of ending a relationship.
Developmental Context
Consider where you are in the stages of development. According to Erikson (1968) adolescents undergo identity formation and the development of intimacy towards adulthood and these factors are linked to their ability to commit and stay faithful within a relationship. If your sense of personal identity is strengthened, you might be more likely to commit to an intimate relationship.
Revenge and Resentment
You might be feeling a huge amount of anger and resentment towards your partner which could lead to searching for greener grass. Are there incidents that you haven’t forgiven your partner for, do you feel your needs are being unmet. Some might use cheating as a form of punishing their partner or getting them ‘back’ for their transgressions.
External Influencers
Of course, we all take into account that we are responsible for the actions we take and the decisions we make, some external factors also play a role in our behavior. Being under the influence of drugs and alcohol has an impact on our impulse control and could lead to someone following through on previous ‘innocent’ fantasies. The same goes for undiagnosed or untreated mental health conditions that could also explain unfavorable behavior.
Feeling Disconnected With the Self
Individuals might not always be aware of the driving factors behind their behavior and how these temptations are clues to our unmet needs. Are you looking for a piece of yourself that you’ve been missing and you feel it emerging when locking eyes with a handsome stranger? Play detective by taking a step back and evaluating the current situation when these thoughts or impulses occur. Knowing that someone finds you desirable is also a boost in self-esteem, something that you should try and fester internally instead of waiting for outside validation.
Be kind towards yourself and don’t judge the thoughts and feelings coming up - they are there for a reason. Ask yourself whether there are alternative ways to meet your needs that won’t have dire consequences. If you find it tough to pinpoint behaviors or activities, it could be valuable to book a session with a therapist to explore your options and brainstorm creative ideas to reconnect with yourself.
Feeling like there may be challenges in your relationship? Sun Point Counseling encourages regular relationship maintenance counseling sessions for everyone. Just like we visit the doctor every year, we are strong believers that all of us can benefit from evaluating each domain of our relationship to ensure that we have the strongest relationship going forward.
Our team at Sun Point Wellness in Lancaster, Pennsylvania provides therapy and counseling where both Highmark and Blue Shield insurances are accepted. Reach out with any questions, and we’re happy to hear your story and find the best fit therapist. Call or text us anytime at (717) 297-0515.
